Who, me, hormonal?

Things I have cried about within the past 24 hours:

1) The fact that the kids and I ate onion rings, nothing else, for dinner last night. They asked me to also make a smoothie (you know, the kind that has SPINACH, CARROTS and WHOLE FRUITS in it) and I refused grumpily because I didn't want to move. How dare they request more nourishment than onion rings? How incredibly selfish of them. To clarify, I wasn't sick, just so very tired.

2) All three of my girls said my eyes look SCARY this morning with disdain in their faces (I put eyeliner on). So you can see for yourself just how terrifying I look, with the crazy eyes and all:

At least I look sorta skinny in the picture (it's hard to take a picture of ones eyelids). Please note I am not smiling, lately it feels I no longer remember how. WAH WAH BOO HOO, can I get over myself already!?! Ugh, don't worry, I hate me too.

3) When Justin rinsed out but did not return the blender to the proper location this morning. I cried & wondered how I could have gone so wrong when choosing a mate.

4) Remembering how I have to work in the church nursery in the morning when I HATE IT. I don't WANT to be with my daughter for an hour and a half every Sunday. I know, I should go straight to hell for even thinking of such things.

5) The fact that I have to survive 4 more months of summer in the hottest place on the planet.

6) We haven't chosen a name yet and can't seem to agree on anything. I have decided we should just call him "Boy".

7) The mail, laundry and dishes pile up faster than I can handle. Most of the mail requires money to be spent, which reminds me daily I should have married for money. If not for money, at least someone who would remember to put the blender away.

8) When Mary said "I like your hair, shirt, earrings" this morning. She kindly looked past my scary eyes. Then she thanked me twice for giving her a bagel.

9) Re-reading this.

10) A post on Pioneer Woman about a dog who reminds me of my first and most wonderfulest doggie, Lucy.

11) I gained more weight this past week than the last few months combined. Possibly the teensy bit exaggerated.

12) Kids bickering. Constantly.

13) Our standard neighborhood bass. And the low-lifes that play it. Who make me not want to take the kids to the park and move to Happyville, USA - population: not them.

14) The fact that our dryer takes FOREVER to dry anything and I so badly want a new washer and dryer; the realization that I probably won't get one until Boy graduates from high school.

15) The fact that my new niece, Sarah, was born yesterday!! The tears that accompany this are multi-faceted: 6 pounds of newborn goodness that I get to go snuggle today; my sister suffered greatly in labor; remembering that I still have 4 more months of suffocating heat and miserableness before I get my very own newborn squishyness (is that a repeat?); the dread of the drive to visit newborn squishyness; seeing and holding her beautiful cuteness for the first time.

16) The fact that I get to be part of bringing a new and precious life into the world and the shame of hating the process when I know others would love to be in my shoes.

17) The adorable laughter I hear right now from my girls playing and enjoying each other.


I should be good for awhile now. Let's hear it for dry eyes!!

Nothing quite like it

Must. Get. More. Sleep.

I've been up since 12:54am. Woke up because - brace yourselves, this is shocking - I had to pee. Much like the other 11,283 times a day. Then, as is its custom, my brain kick-started into thinking of all of the things I have to do. At least 97 things waiting for me at my desk... why can I not call anybody at 3:08am? I would be so much more productive if acceptable calling hours were between 12-9am. If only all of my clients were in, uh, Spain?

My accomplishments of the morning thus far:

*Consumption of three cups of coffee, one water bottle, one string cheese and 40 billion dry roasted peanuts.
*Prayed for a house to sell, some of you know the one. Cursed out buyers and lender in my head. Prayed again to ask for forgiveness for praying they all get hit by a bus. Prayed once more they'd all get hit by a bus.
*Mentally flogged myself for not calling my father in law on his birthday two days ago.
*Three trips to potty.
*Eyeballed enormous stack of to-do stuff, sniffled and averted my eyes.
*Procrastinated on everything work related to mindlessly read blogs and check facebook. And thank goodness I did -- I otherwise wouldn't have known that someone I knew in college was craving carbs right before she went to bed and that someone I barely remember from high school is recently tonsil-less.
*Cry a little because I'm only 20 weeks pregnant and I'm already miserable, unable to sleep and too painfully tired to do anything useful.
*Prepare myself for the crushing guilt of letting my kids watch tv all day while I try to catch up on work stuff I should be doing right now and then attempt to take a nap. That won't ever happen.
*Become disgusted with myself because of the 97 things I need to do - the very reason I cannot go back to sleep - a grand total of 0 have been and most likely will be accomplished before little people start demanding things of me.
*Bore whoever reads this with silly, over-tired drivel.
*Make that four trips to potty.

Edited to add: I tried to go back to bed around 4:30, after I read the same line 45 times. I was on the brink of sleep (brink!) when Justin released gas strong enough to shake windows. Twice. I began to ponder if one would check the "irreconcilable differences" box on the divorce request or is there a more applicable box to my situation? Then Littlest came in apparently with bubble wrap on her feet and/or carrying ball bearings in a metal pot. I played dead. She finally left and the birds started chirping outside. We've been here 6+ years and this is the only time I've ever heard chirping birds in the morning. Universe, what did I ever do to you?

1,825 days ago, the world was forever changed for the better

Coco,

Today you are five. Five! Still little by most standards, but big, very very big and important by yours. This year has gone by so quickly. Weren't you just turning 4? For the past nine months, you've been eyeballing treats in the store, asking "can I get those for my birthday?!" I always say suuure, Coco, sure. I'm pretty sure I'm now obligated to buy approximately 481 treats by midnight tonight.

You, by far, are my 'easiest' child. You're just plain easy to get along with. Just plain likable. Unlike, cough, your sisters, cough, you're rarely defiant. You're not perfect, but you're close. The not perfect part would include the fact that you probably think I actually say, "Blah blah blah blah Coco" and "Coco! La la la la la!" on a daily basis.

You are also directionally impaired. When I'm trying to describe where something is, "behind you!" "the other behind you!" "turn around!" "no, now walk towards the kitchen" "the KIT.CHEN. not the back door" you look like a puppy chasing its tail -- after all, what you heard was "la la LAA. LAAA la laa laa COCO". After ten minutes of this, you MAY have located the bright shiny red object that was a foot from you the entire time. This may be a good time to note: your mom NEVER exaggerates. Just like you ALWAYS follow directions.

I love just about everything that comes out of your mouth. You have such a way of putting things that are both adorable and downright entertaining. The other day, we were playing 'I Spy' in the car and Gracie spied something blue. "It's outside. Look UP! It's all over the place!" You: "Uhhh, Mommy? Does God wear a robe? and if He does, is it a blue robe?" Last week you asked if God's foot was bigger than our house. Or was it bigger than our house AND yard? Or Phoenix? I love your mind.

You are extraordinarily loving. You often come up to just kiss my cheek or give a quick sideways hug, then walk away, never saying a word; you just wanted to be near me. Sometimes you call out "I love you, Mommy!" from the other room and you aren't even priming me to ask for anything. You'll rub my belly and say how sweet and cute your baby brother is going to be; that "sometimes he'll cry, but it's ok because he'll just be a baby and we have to keep telling him that it's ok and that everybody loves him SO MUCH even if he cries even though sometimes it bugs us." You tell Mary she's cute probably even more than I do... I wonder, is there any chance she won't get a big head? You've gotten noticeably closer to Daddy lately; it's like you two are finally "getting" each other and I'm loving all of the bughugs you're giving him.

As of late, you're obsessed with Calamity Jane and know every song by heart. You and Gracie have a particular fondness for the song 'Black Hills of Dakota' (Mary chiming in for the Daaakotaaa!), think Bill is waaay better than Danny and love the pretty dresses. For the record, Bill IS way better than Danny. You're done with naps; you'd much rather stay up and "read," which generally equates to looking at a few pictures and then demanding to watch Calamity Jane. Demanding with a obligatory please thrown in somewhere toward the end. You are finally 'letting me' (aka: not throwing major fit) do your hair -- with actual hair things! You don't understand why your braids can't be as long as Mary's and are irritated with what you get when you specifically told me LONG braids.

A few weeks ago, I was tucking you in at bedtime. You had tears in your eyes and asked if I would always be your mommy. I confirmed that I would always and forever be your mommy, always and forever love you, always and forever be so grateful to God for giving you to me. You (and possibly, I) cried and said that you loved me SO MUCH, and that you wanted to live with me forever. But then said you knew you couldn't when you grew up... but "Mommy, please PLEASE will you live right next door to me? PLEASE." YES! YES!!! YES!!!!!

I'm so totally crazy about you.

Love your number one fan and future nosy neighbor,

Mommy

*Beautiful photo by beautiful Emily.

My little bookworm

Gracie loves to read. She's currently reading through this series called The Boxcar Children and although I haven't investigated it, I'm assuming it's about some kids who have had enough of rules and regs and take off in a boxcar. Just up her alley. Last night she was telling me about the cast of characters in her new found world. One boy she mentioned was particularly intriguing because "he's 6 like me, except he's not 'and a half'."

More Things I Love

I seem to have developed a tendency to focus on the negative, which I truly think goes against who I am and most definitely goes against who I want to be. So in an effort to get back to my 'glass is half full' self, I've compiled more of my love list. It's good for the soul.

I love beer breathe.
I love spontaneous, unsolicited "I love you"'s from my kids.
I love it when all of the laundry is done.
I love the grilled chicken salad from Houston's.
I love just about everything Coco says.
I love it when my hubby tells me I'm pretty, especially when I'm feeling decidedly not.
I love summer nights by the pool when it's not too hot out.
I love coconut smelling skin stuff, including suncreen (although applying sunscreen would fall under the category of 'things I hate' -- whoops, there I go).
I love flower pens.
I love coming home to a clean house.
I love cloudy days.
I love friends who remember my birthday. Even those that don't.
I love it when my husband is in a great mood.
I love dreaming of a cabin we'll have someday.
I love traveling and then coming home.
I love the Eiffel Tower at night.
I love remembering great kisses, even though I probably shouldn't.
I love Mary's smile.
I love having girls.
I love napping.
I love when God clearly gives me something I want.
I love how my kids love sidewalk chalk.
I love Gracie's height. And profile.
I love when an escrow closes.
I love Paradise Bakery.
I love the sacrifice Jesus made, although it breaks my heart.
I love that both my and Justin's parents are still married.
I love the possibilities life holds.
I love that Justin is finally getting his boy.
I love little kid jimmies (pj's).
I love free babysitting.
I love getting something done that I've been putting off.
I love that my business is feeling more and more organized.
I love how Mary hugs my left leg tightly every time I wipe her.
I love having days with no agenda.
I love the ease of wearing flip-flops.
I love chocolate chip cookie dough. Pillsbury, not Nestle.
I love escaping to cooler weather when it's an oven here.
I love the miracle of pregnancy and birth.
I love people who faithfully read this blog, although I don't love the word blog.
I love getting great deals.
I love when Justin remembers to take out the trash without being prompted.
I love sleeping past 5 am.
I love my cousins.
I love fried Parmesan zucchini from Claim Jumper, extra ranch. Capital L Love.
I love the fact that I love more deeply than I ever thought possible.
I love indoor plumbing.

(More things I love here.)

So sorry

...about that last post. It was like a horrible car accident I couldn't look away from...

Let's see... something cute... something funny....

Here's one (sorta):

The past few weeks Coco has been fascinated by where everything comes from. Most of what she asks about is in nature, so of course I tell her that God did it. Who made this? God. Who made that? God. What about this? God. God. God. God. God!

Mommy, may I please have (insert whatever treat here)?
No, Coco, no treats, treats aren't good for you.
But MOMMYYYY, God made the treats!!!

Um,

EW.
If you ask me, the car accident chopping off those monstrosities was the best thing that ever happened to her....