For Stephanie

Wait.  That almost sounds like there has been a death involved.  Happy to report Stephanie* is alive and well!  And SUPER GORGEOUS.  Seriously.

We were visiting my in-lOVEs (Is That or Is That Not SO MUCH CUTER and hoooopefully more accurate than in-lAWs?) for Mother's Day during which time we went to their church.  Catching up to me on the way to the car, my MIL told me that this chick who was the sister of a friend of my sister in love who lives out of state (got that?  There will be a quiz.) 'reads your blog and wants your autograph hee hee'.  QUITE a hee hee. Because whaa... huh?  I was All Confused because in my head the following queries were taking place: whaaa huh?  someone wants to meet ME?  whaaa huh?  the is it the sister? or the friend? or a mass murderer who's luring me in with flattery? wait, whaaaat have I written about - EVER? damn (or censored if you choose - My EAAAARS my Delicate Eaaars! Including my OWN, if we're gonna be all Honest and Stuff: darn!) you (and clearly, I've lost track of the (())))'s - WHATEVER - why can't you remember Anything??  seems I remember having a Major Issue with TWO OR NOT TWO spaces between sentences recently - was that Out Loud (tell me I'm not really THAT CHICK who writes that kind of Super Lame stuff down - I am, I totally AM) and why am I suddenly saying 'chick' in my head all the time?  ?? oh da(rn)mn, didn't I lock myself away with rum and coke one day and rat myself out about it (ha, tooootally JUST the ONE DAY and DON'T JUDGE - it SAVED LIVES.)? and: most importantly - why didn't I wash my hair? - all whilst being pulled in at least three directions by four kids (teamwork!) so I only half-heard anything anyway.  Sadly, there was no exaggeration in any of this.

So I went back into the church feeling weird and confused and totally self-conscious BECAUSE I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO WASH MY HAIR.  And then I was introduced to this beautiful woman I remembered seeing in the hall earlier who struck me immediately as GOR.GEOUS (jazz hands).  Who indeed turned out to be the sister of the friend of the... Wait.  I'm confused now too.  And yes, THERE WILL STILL BE A QUIZ.

Anyway.  Yes.  Twas flattering.  So, thanks, Beautiful Stephanie (and I will RESIST the temptation to furthermore refer to you as B.S. - you are So Welcome).  My eldest daughter exclaimed on the way to the car, 'THAT WAS SO COOL, MOM!!' (I didn't even know she was paying attention to the whole debacle - ok, retract 'debacle', which is only mildly appropriate yet insufficient and replace with...? scenario? I don't know... I'm TIRED and unable to think of big words.  And proper punctuation. As is B.S., I assume - Ok, FINE.  I soooo totally DIDN'T resist the temptation to refer to you in such a manor but henceforth and hithermore I shall - WHY ISN'T THAT A WORD?! - who also has 4 kids, one of whom is an Adorable Little(r) Dude - of course not THE Dude but a Very Cute Dude Nonetheless who was Thoroughly Peeved at me for interrupting his brunch.  PS: Why do I write Giant Novels complete with horrific punctuation between parenthesis?  Clearly, a question for Him once we get there.  Somewhat sacrilege, yes, but He TOTALLY has a sense of humor, doncha think? And if you don't: DEFRIEND because He SO. MUST.  And now you have no idea what I was originally talking about.  Nor do I.  CAN WE WRAP THIS UP ALREADY??! so I don't have to re-read everything THREE TIMES?!!  Ugh) - and this is the child who is reaching the eye-roll stage of life WHICH I WILL BEAT OUT OF HER YES I WILL - so thanks especially for making me interesting in her eyes for 3.5 seconds.  Ok, fine.  2.35. Being generous.  Wanted you to be able to hold onto the glory for a wee bit longer.

And now: laundry.  For the next: FOREVER.

I knew you'd understand, BS.  Last time.  PROMISE##.

*And if the spelling of your name is Completely Weird, like Stephfany (or enter 6 more weirdo spellings, SERIOUSLY, PARENTS, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!) - then TOO BAD (and soooo sorry).  This may or may not be in regards to understanding because of all of the Krystie, Chrystie, Crysty, ETC ETC ETC but if I continue to spell them out I may just want to say unkind things about my 'grandma' who chose a -different and horrific- spelling each year (But! One year she got it RIGHT!!!!! the odds HAD to eventually be in her favor one year).  So, Stephanie, I hope that's how you spell it!  And if not, please be kinder about it than I clearly am**.

**Stupid name-spelling issues ***.

***OH MY.  BITTER much?  38 years old and I am still mad at all of that****. 

****FINE.  I repent.  Really.  Enough already*****.

*****WHEN will I learn to keep Internal Thoughts to MYSELF?  If you guessed 'never', you very well may be right.

## (I got sick of the '*'s) - Seriously, I do (until I don't)  Plus!  You've always been better off than my friend, B.M###.

### - This is a REAL and LOVELY person.  But still chuckle-able, doncha think?


Over and out.