I should get a t-shirt that says 'I survived traffic survival school'

Once upon a time there was a kind-hearted and sometimes dim-witted girl driving her three girls around, most likely on an errand to deliver food to a shut-in or to clean toilets at an orphanage. A short time later, to her horror, she opened her mailbox to find a citation -- complete with oh-so-flattering picture of her -- claiming she had run a red light. A traffic cam ratted her out! After forking out over $200 to the city that made the outrageous claim, she was notified by the DMV that she would have to go to traffic school regardless of the fact that she had no recollection of such an event, hasn't had a ticket for 16 years and had already paid dearly with her pocketbook and pride.

So she found a traffic school with a funny name -- hoping there may be some semblance of humor despite a miserable situation -- and went. She sat amidst dozens and dozens of men and a handful of women, a large percentage of which were there because of a DUI offense; she knows this because the entire room was required to identify themselves and disclose what got them there, shut away from proper society. The man she sat next to (unavoidably breathing his smoky/minty breath) was due in jail within the week. He was a friendly biker and proudly wore the frayed t-shirt of the drinking establishment which he inhabited for 12 hours straight immediately prior to his DUI. The glimmer of hope that humor could have been infused into the class was squelched immediately and our kind-hearted and dim-witted girl was feeling less kind-hearted and more dim-witted by the minute and wondered who she could complain to about how a traffic school with a humorous name should be required to make humor part of the curriculum. She contemplated all of this while miserably attempting to ease the pain in her poor, pathetic back which was largely rebelling because of the sitting, the endless, never-ending sitting.

She did come away with a couple valuable pieces of information (enter the public service announcement portion of our story).... the first of which confirmed her suspicion that SHE HAD BEEN FRAMED. There are over 1,000 cameras in the nearby vicinity at busy intersections and more are being installed every day. A modern day money tree! Apparently, if you see a yellow light and speed up to make it (they have monitors prior to the intersection) -- and enter the intersection (which, by the by, is NOT the end of the crosswalk, but an imaginary line, much further up, that actually connects the street from one side to the other) even if it's STILL YELLOW, YOU GET A RED-LIGHT TICKET! !!!! Subsequently, the "red-light" law-breaker must give up an entire day, lose enough cash to buy a decent piece of furniture from IKEA, become less kind-hearted and more dim-witted and sit, at length, among society's finest with smoky/minty breath.

Oh! And! The new DUI laws are ZERO tolerance. So literally (and depending on the judge) you could have a few sips of wine and get a DUI. If you have kids in the car, you can get child endangerment charges and CPS called. Fun!

When the clock struck 5:00, she nearly sang with glee from the pleasure of getting out of there, drove home observing the local traffic laws, hugged her kids, had an enormous glass of wine and didn't drive anywhere.

The end.